I was a victim of ‘stealthing’
When Cindy, 30, went on a first date with a guy she met on Tinder in June, she was expecting a fun summer fling.
But instead, when they went back to her place for a post-dinner hookup, she was violated.
“He took off his condom without telling me in the middle of [sex],” Cindy, an administrative assistant in Bushwick who didn’t want to disclose her last name for privacy reasons, tells The Post. Minutes later, she realized what he’d done but was too intimidated to say something.
“I kind of went along with it because he was older and I didn’t want to ruin the moment,” she says. “I felt terrible afterward.”
Although at the time she didn’t know what to call the disturbing experience, a report recently published in the Columbia Journal of Gender and Law dubbed it “stealthing” — the act in which a man secretly removes his condom in the middle of consensual sex.
Alexandra Brodsky, the study’s author and a Yale Law School graduate, interviewed and surveyed victims and perpetrators of these encounters, which she calls a form of sexual violence and a rising epidemic in big cities like New York, where sex is easily available via dating apps.“I found in my accounts that men try to justify this by saying it’s their right to spread their seed and that it’s a natural impulse for them,” says Brodsky, who’s based in Washington, DC.
When Cindy brought up the incident to her sexual partner later that night, he got offended.
“He said, ‘Why are you so upset by it? I know you’re clean and I’m clean. Who cares?’” she says.
Besides being put at risk for unwanted pregnancies and STIs, the latter of which are at an all-time high for millennials in New York, victims also suffer from post-traumatic stress.